In this episode, Glen & Yvette talk about if we really lose ourselves or become something new.
Losing Herself in Marriage & Motherhood
Yvette has talked in episodes past about the concept of losing herself in becoming a wife and a mother. (Want to hear those? Check out Episode 136 & Episode 137). Fat Nwigwe said in an interview that for her, it’s not that she loses herself, but that she shows up how she’s supposed to show up when she’s supposed to show up. When she sees Tobe needs a wife, she shows up as a wife. When she sees her kids need her, she shows up as a mom. She doesn’t lose herself, she simply shows up in those roles when she needs to and opens up her peripheral vision to see all the areas that need care.
Yvette originally felt she lost herself because since becoming a wife and mom, she’s had to divide herself between all these roles, but she’s not sure she ever had herself to begin with. She would be a very different person if she had had the opportunity to live selfishly in her single years. She feels that mothers, in general, feel like they are losing themselves more than fathers. But Glen feels that, for some men, comes down to a different perspective.
Glen’s Perspective
For him, there is no losing himself, he simply becomes what’s needed in that season. As time goes on, we all add new titles to who we are that shape us into a fuller version of ourselves. He feels that Yvette has the expectation that a “good mother” is one that gives up every part of herself: mentally, physically, and emotionally. She requires too much. If it’s not up to her standard when she tries to delegate, she takes it back on herself. He believes that is part of denying oneself, and in the process, doesn’t allow others to be themselves. As she steps into this season with a new therapist, Yvette is aiming to cut her expectations in half.
One morning while trying to complete everything that needed to be done for the family, Yvette found herself needing help, but refrained from asking Glen. She was trying to carry it all by herself and was trying to work up the courage to ask for help. The ask was a last resort. But in waiting to ask him, Glen feels that she put them in a situation where if he didn’t help, she would fail. He wishes that instead, she would ask at the beginning so that it becomes, “If you help me, we could win.”
After Yvette did ask for help, Glen had to do some self-talk. He had goals he wanted to achieve outside the home, but reminded himself that he is meant to be here, helping how he can, as a father and a husband first. You haven’t failed because you won in another position of who you are. Letting go of those expectations was part of the “juggling” he’s learned as he’s gained more and more roles. His “No’s”, “Why’s”, and boundaries are strong, and clarity is a priority. There’s no time to be misunderstood.
Growth
All in all, Glen is grateful they started this podcast because it started deep conversation between them that wasn’t present before. Before HMAY, G&Y deep talks were rare. Since starting, they’ve grown in their understanding of each other and are better for it. Yvette notes, “When you get married, you commit not only to what you know, but to what you don’t know. That’s why so many marriages end in divorce.” But these two have worked through it all: healing their inner children, communicating even when it’s hard, and so much more. The roles they’ve gained is what’s grown them, and that is a beautiful thing!
Thank you for listening and reading the show notes for this week’s episode!
The HMAY Team
In this episode, Glen & Yvette talk about if we really lose ourselves or become something new.
Losing Herself in Marriage & Motherhood
Yvette has talked in episodes past about the concept of losing herself in becoming a wife and a mother. (Want to hear those? Check out Episode 136 & Episode 137). Fat Nwigwe said in an interview that for her, it’s not that she loses herself, but that she shows up how she’s supposed to show up when she’s supposed to show up. When she sees Tobe needs a wife, she shows up as a wife. When she sees her kids need her, she shows up as a mom. She doesn’t lose herself, she simply shows up in those roles when she needs to and opens up her peripheral vision to see all the areas that need care.
Yvette originally felt she lost herself because since becoming a wife and mom, she’s had to divide herself between all these roles, but she’s not sure she ever had herself to begin with. She would be a very different person if she had had the opportunity to live selfishly in her single years. She feels that mothers, in general, feel like they are losing themselves more than fathers. But Glen feels that, for some men, comes down to a different perspective.
Glen’s Perspective
For him, there is no losing himself, he simply becomes what’s needed in that season. As time goes on, we all add new titles to who we are that shape us into a fuller version of ourselves. He feels that Yvette has the expectation that a “good mother” is one that gives up every part of herself: mentally, physically, and emotionally. She requires too much. If it’s not up to her standard when she tries to delegate, she takes it back on herself. He believes that is part of denying oneself, and in the process, doesn’t allow others to be themselves. As she steps into this season with a new therapist, Yvette is aiming to cut her expectations in half.
One morning while trying to complete everything that needed to be done for the family, Yvette found herself needing help, but refrained from asking Glen. She was trying to carry it all by herself and was trying to work up the courage to ask for help. The ask was a last resort. But in waiting to ask him, Glen feels that she put them in a situation where if he didn’t help, she would fail. He wishes that instead, she would ask at the beginning so that it becomes, “If you help me, we could win.”
After Yvette did ask for help, Glen had to do some self-talk. He had goals he wanted to achieve outside the home, but reminded himself that he is meant to be here, helping how he can, as a father and a husband first. You haven’t failed because you won in another position of who you are. Letting go of those expectations was part of the “juggling” he’s learned as he’s gained more and more roles. His “No’s”, “Why’s”, and boundaries are strong, and clarity is a priority. There’s no time to be misunderstood.
Growth
All in all, Glen is grateful they started this podcast because it started deep conversation between them that wasn’t present before. Before HMAY, G&Y deep talks were rare. Since starting, they’ve grown in their understanding of each other and are better for it. Yvette notes, “When you get married, you commit not only to what you know, but to what you don’t know. That’s why so many marriages end in divorce.” But these two have worked through it all: healing their inner children, communicating even when it’s hard, and so much more. The roles they’ve gained is what’s grown them, and that is a beautiful thing!
Thank you for listening and reading the show notes for this week’s episode!
The HMAY Team
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