Hello, Wedding Party!
Last week’s conversation got Glen’s blood boiling (Watch that here). So many women related to Yvette when she expressed regretting not taking full advantage of her season of singleness. On one hand, Glen was so happy to see her expressing how she was feeling and was empathetic to her situation, but on the other, as her husband, he didn’t want to hear that.
Yvette pointed out that women typically carry most of the domestic load/responsibilities in day-to-day family life starting as a wife and growing more as they move into motherhood. Young kids depend heavily on mothers for all their needs. Eventually, that load is lightened as they grow into independent adults, but in the meantime, Yvette was feeling that pressure and reflecting on a time when no one was dependent on her. She wished she’d spent that time alone more wisely when the decisions she made didn’t heavily impact anyone else. But after seeing Glen’s reaction to her words, Yvette recalled her mother’s past advice, “Some things you don’t have to say,” and realized this might have been something she should’ve kept to herself.
Two Sides of the Same Coin
While he didn’t want to speak for all men, Glen shared that he personally feels there is a lack of understanding for the sole providers and that both roles in the family are equally as difficult. He admitted he feels he has a responsibility for things that he doesn’t always feel qualified to do. Referring to episode 131, it’s hard to know what your partner is going through until you carry the weight they’re carrying.
But even with the difficulties, Glen doesn’t look back on his past, and instead is grateful that he gave the next day a chance. As a young, faithless, single man, he was suicidal because he felt like he didn’t belong anywhere and was always in trouble. And even now, he is rocked by watching those around him who have lost their lives to suicide and those who continue to make poor choices. Each morning, he is captivated by waking up, and being with Yvette and the kids. It has given him a sense of belonging, a family, purpose, wisdom, and an ability to nurture his talent. Life on this side is so full.
Yvette referenced Tia Mowry’s divorce interview recalling her statement that when Tia started choosing her happiness and herself over her marriage, that’s when she knew it was over. But whose responsibility is one’s happiness?
Joy vs. Happiness
Joy is our choice to live day to day in contentment and is fully our responsibility. Happiness is contingent on our circumstance, and the people we share our lives with can impact our daily happiness. So what made Yvette reflect on her single-hood? She believes lack of contentment caused her reflection on what could have been, but is learning that she has to take ownership of her joy.
Can you work too much on yourself?
While The Henry’s originally disagreed, Glen voiced his belief that there is a season where self-development is most realistic. He strongly encourages singles in particular to work on themselves, especially through therapy and mentorship because the changes made in that time don’t affect anyone else (such as a wife or kids). Huge changes in a marriage can sometimes risk toppling over your relationship. There’s no way for people to say they’ve worked on themselves too much, but how it’s done is important.
Watching Yvette go from student to wife to mom to business owner, Glen observed that her seasons change permanently, and without time to reflect and process, he sees where she may look back at what could’ve been. However, he notes that these seasons won’t always be as the kids grow and they become empty nesters. A season of rest awaits.
The Conclusion
For these two, the goal is not to be single without kids. They love their spouse, kids, and the life they get to live. They are grateful for their ability to make new memories and traditions. Each season is a gift with its own perks and making space for grace as we move through them allows us to feel further joy.
The HMAY Team
Grab the freebie: Serve Your Spouse Well!
Hello, Wedding Party!
Last week’s conversation got Glen’s blood boiling (Watch that here). So many women related to Yvette when she expressed regretting not taking full advantage of her season of singleness. On one hand, Glen was so happy to see her expressing how she was feeling and was empathetic to her situation, but on the other, as her husband, he didn’t want to hear that.
Yvette pointed out that women typically carry most of the domestic load/responsibilities in day-to-day family life starting as a wife and growing more as they move into motherhood. Young kids depend heavily on mothers for all their needs. Eventually, that load is lightened as they grow into independent adults, but in the meantime, Yvette was feeling that pressure and reflecting on a time when no one was dependent on her. She wished she’d spent that time alone more wisely when the decisions she made didn’t heavily impact anyone else. But after seeing Glen’s reaction to her words, Yvette recalled her mother’s past advice, “Some things you don’t have to say,” and realized this might have been something she should’ve kept to herself.
Two Sides of the Same Coin
While he didn’t want to speak for all men, Glen shared that he personally feels there is a lack of understanding for the sole providers and that both roles in the family are equally as difficult. He admitted he feels he has a responsibility for things that he doesn’t always feel qualified to do. Referring to episode 131, it’s hard to know what your partner is going through until you carry the weight they’re carrying.
But even with the difficulties, Glen doesn’t look back on his past, and instead is grateful that he gave the next day a chance. As a young, faithless, single man, he was suicidal because he felt like he didn’t belong anywhere and was always in trouble. And even now, he is rocked by watching those around him who have lost their lives to suicide and those who continue to make poor choices. Each morning, he is captivated by waking up, and being with Yvette and the kids. It has given him a sense of belonging, a family, purpose, wisdom, and an ability to nurture his talent. Life on this side is so full.
Yvette referenced Tia Mowry’s divorce interview recalling her statement that when Tia started choosing her happiness and herself over her marriage, that’s when she knew it was over. But whose responsibility is one’s happiness?
Joy vs. Happiness
Joy is our choice to live day to day in contentment and is fully our responsibility. Happiness is contingent on our circumstance, and the people we share our lives with can impact our daily happiness. So what made Yvette reflect on her single-hood? She believes lack of contentment caused her reflection on what could have been, but is learning that she has to take ownership of her joy.
Can you work too much on yourself?
While The Henry’s originally disagreed, Glen voiced his belief that there is a season where self-development is most realistic. He strongly encourages singles in particular to work on themselves, especially through therapy and mentorship because the changes made in that time don’t affect anyone else (such as a wife or kids). Huge changes in a marriage can sometimes risk toppling over your relationship. There’s no way for people to say they’ve worked on themselves too much, but how it’s done is important.
Watching Yvette go from student to wife to mom to business owner, Glen observed that her seasons change permanently, and without time to reflect and process, he sees where she may look back at what could’ve been. However, he notes that these seasons won’t always be as the kids grow and they become empty nesters. A season of rest awaits.
The Conclusion
For these two, the goal is not to be single without kids. They love their spouse, kids, and the life they get to live. They are grateful for their ability to make new memories and traditions. Each season is a gift with its own perks and making space for grace as we move through them allows us to feel further joy.
The HMAY Team
Grab the freebie: Serve Your Spouse Well!
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