Hello, Wedding Party!
This week, a young man came to ask Glen for some advice. After dating his girlfriend for two months, he knew this was it: he was ready to propose. But he hesitated, thinking about societal standards, and instead asked Glen: When is the right time to get married?
Thinking about their relationship, Glen put a ring on layaway five months into dating, proposed nine months into dating, and married Yvette seven months after proposing. It was all very quick for these two! But that’s not exactly what Yvette had pictured when she thought about the timeline of her forever relationship.
Yvette’s Advice to Young Women
Don’t take for granted the time that you have without a husband. Though she doesn’t regret the path they took, she wishes she took a moment to appreciate being in her space alone being able to do whatever she wanted, because it’s rare that she gets that now as a wife and parent. Instead of always wishing for the next season, appreciate the freedom without responsibility that singleness brings such as traveling on a whim.
In her mind, Yvette sees this person she would have been and thinks maybe she would have found herself sooner, but would that truly be the case? Maybe the “what if” would have been vastly different than what she imagines because in her single season, she was what everyone else wanted her to be instead of being herself. It’s a question that she wrestles with.
Glen’s Perspective
From Glen’s point of view, being single again means he isn’t the person he is today. He would be more selfish, less compassionate, and would not have grown without his family. He wouldn’t fantasize about that version of himself. Being a part of a community and a community he helped create the culture gave him an even bigger purpose. He would, however, take more time just him and Yvette.
When has Enough Time Passed to Propose?
As long as you are aware that this person will change and are okay with them changing as your seasons together change, then it’s time. But consider the time it takes to know someone well enough in more than one season. What are they like at the holidays? Pregnant? After the loss of a loved one? What are their family dynamics like? You have to be ready to commit to your spouse in every season over and over again.
Yvette doesn’t feel that two months is enough time, but putting a hard and fast rule on when exactly enough time for each couple is difficult. The answer will change from couple to couple. Some know each other for weeks and they have very successful marriages. Others date for years and still don’t work out.
At the end of the day, marriage is an entirely different ball game. It’s like saying you love Jamaica staying at an all inclusive resort, but never going off the premises to see the rest of the country. You need to be ready to commit to the best and the worst of your person, and with that comes seeing both sides of each other. If you can be there through that, then you’re ready.
The HMAY Team
Grab the freebie: Serve Your Spouse Well!
Hello, Wedding Party!
This week, a young man came to ask Glen for some advice. After dating his girlfriend for two months, he knew this was it: he was ready to propose. But he hesitated, thinking about societal standards, and instead asked Glen: When is the right time to get married?
Thinking about their relationship, Glen put a ring on layaway five months into dating, proposed nine months into dating, and married Yvette seven months after proposing. It was all very quick for these two! But that’s not exactly what Yvette had pictured when she thought about the timeline of her forever relationship.
Yvette’s Advice to Young Women
Don’t take for granted the time that you have without a husband. Though she doesn’t regret the path they took, she wishes she took a moment to appreciate being in her space alone being able to do whatever she wanted, because it’s rare that she gets that now as a wife and parent. Instead of always wishing for the next season, appreciate the freedom without responsibility that singleness brings such as traveling on a whim.
In her mind, Yvette sees this person she would have been and thinks maybe she would have found herself sooner, but would that truly be the case? Maybe the “what if” would have been vastly different than what she imagines because in her single season, she was what everyone else wanted her to be instead of being herself. It’s a question that she wrestles with.
Glen’s Perspective
From Glen’s point of view, being single again means he isn’t the person he is today. He would be more selfish, less compassionate, and would not have grown without his family. He wouldn’t fantasize about that version of himself. Being a part of a community and a community he helped create the culture gave him an even bigger purpose. He would, however, take more time just him and Yvette.
When has Enough Time Passed to Propose?
As long as you are aware that this person will change and are okay with them changing as your seasons together change, then it’s time. But consider the time it takes to know someone well enough in more than one season. What are they like at the holidays? Pregnant? After the loss of a loved one? What are their family dynamics like? You have to be ready to commit to your spouse in every season over and over again.
Yvette doesn’t feel that two months is enough time, but putting a hard and fast rule on when exactly enough time for each couple is difficult. The answer will change from couple to couple. Some know each other for weeks and they have very successful marriages. Others date for years and still don’t work out.
At the end of the day, marriage is an entirely different ball game. It’s like saying you love Jamaica staying at an all inclusive resort, but never going off the premises to see the rest of the country. You need to be ready to commit to the best and the worst of your person, and with that comes seeing both sides of each other. If you can be there through that, then you’re ready.
The HMAY Team
Grab the freebie: Serve Your Spouse Well!
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