One year ago, Yvette had been trying to hold it together after the loss of Glen’s sister because she felt she needed to for everyone else. The weight was heavy on her shoulders. While washing the dishes, she realized she couldn’t go on this way and needed to do something about it. She reached out and got in contact with a retreat host that she felt might be able to help her. But the retreat was a big ask: three weeks, no phones, fully secluded.
Before the Retreat
At therapy, Glen & Yvette were talking about how badly they were doing as a couple. The weight of the loss was devastating, and they both were not doing well. Yvette’s fuse was short and everything felt like a problem to Glen. In fact, they previously had such a big fight that Yvette left, took the van, went to the beach, turned her phone and location off, and sent an email to the therapist. Glen thought she had really left and wasn’t coming back. And so he went to the car dealership and bought himself a Ford truck. But during this session after hearing Yvette express her feelings, he realized just how much was on her plate and how little she valued herself. He decided this was it, he needed to let her go.
But his “Yes,” was by no means a happy yes. He was angry. The retreat was in Washington (states away) and the host was a male, and there would be no phones for him to contact her or for her to contact him. It felt unsafe and uncomfortable, and he wanted to protect her. The closer it got on the calendar, the more confident Yvette got in going, and the less confident Glen was becoming. He found himself in spiritual warfare and very bitter.
Glen drove home from dropping wife off at the airport angry that morning. But as he listened to The Secret to Success Podcast, he heard the message loud and clear: The Mission is always the same, though the plan may change. Eric Thomas encouraged him that Yvette needed to be operating at 100% and she was at 40% for years. He needed to get her back to 100% and then they could work on him.
The Retreat
At the retreat, Yvette was able to fall apart. She wept and wailed. She’d been confused why there were pool noodles at the retreat when there was no pool and it was wintertime, but soon found out it was to let out anger. Every emotion, all the burdens she’d been carrying for years, all the control she’d tried to have, fell at the feet of The Lord. She’d felt so distant from God trying to go through life in her own strength, and it wasn’t enough. She needed to reconnect with Him, rest, and remain.
So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God’s rest has also rested from his works as God did from his. Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience. – Hebrews 4:9-11
Newly reconnected with her heavenly Father, Yvette started addressing her inner child and allowing her to speak. It was deep work, and work that allowed her to see the inner child in the people around her and be more sensitive to what others have gone through. Each childhood trauma she worked through didn’t make her resentful of her parents, but instead, allowed her to truly see them. She recognized her people pleaser tendencies, and learned that she needed to move through life doing things for herself, and not always for other people.
The Homefront
Back at home, her presence was deeply missed, even though she had written letters every day for each child to wake up to. Correlating his cousins’ loss of their mother and his distance from his mother, Theo told Glen, “My mom’s gone and my cousins just lost their mom. For a few weeks, I know what it’s like to not have a mom.” So when Glen got Yvette’s invitation to come visit her on the retreat, Glen was hesitant to leave the kids and still angry.
The day before he was supposed to visit, Glen’s cousin was murdered. It was another devastating hit, but he felt he couldn’t let himself process it until after he got back. Seeing her that day, he could see her progress, but knew there was still so much work for them to do.
One week passed, and Yvette was finally home, but she brought a five page letter with her to give Glen. It was filled with things she was grateful for about him followed by what she needed from him. They were big asks, and he felt frustrated. But as he looked at his wife, he saw walls taken down, confidence in herself and her voice, and release of control. His “yes” had allowed her to grow, even if it had been an angry yes.
You, friend, have permission to be in process. Thank you for listening and reading the show notes!
The HMAY Team
Grab the freebie: Serve Your Spouse Well!
One year ago, Yvette had been trying to hold it together after the loss of Glen’s sister because she felt she needed to for everyone else. The weight was heavy on her shoulders. While washing the dishes, she realized she couldn’t go on this way and needed to do something about it. She reached out and got in contact with a retreat host that she felt might be able to help her. But the retreat was a big ask: three weeks, no phones, fully secluded.
Before the Retreat
At therapy, Glen & Yvette were talking about how badly they were doing as a couple. The weight of the loss was devastating, and they both were not doing well. Yvette’s fuse was short and everything felt like a problem to Glen. In fact, they previously had such a big fight that Yvette left, took the van, went to the beach, turned her phone and location off, and sent an email to the therapist. Glen thought she had really left and wasn’t coming back. And so he went to the car dealership and bought himself a Ford truck. But during this session after hearing Yvette express her feelings, he realized just how much was on her plate and how little she valued herself. He decided this was it, he needed to let her go.
But his “Yes,” was by no means a happy yes. He was angry. The retreat was in Washington (states away) and the host was a male, and there would be no phones for him to contact her or for her to contact him. It felt unsafe and uncomfortable, and he wanted to protect her. The closer it got on the calendar, the more confident Yvette got in going, and the less confident Glen was becoming. He found himself in spiritual warfare and very bitter.
Glen drove home from dropping wife off at the airport angry that morning. But as he listened to The Secret to Success Podcast, he heard the message loud and clear: The Mission is always the same, though the plan may change. Eric Thomas encouraged him that Yvette needed to be operating at 100% and she was at 40% for years. He needed to get her back to 100% and then they could work on him.
The Retreat
At the retreat, Yvette was able to fall apart. She wept and wailed. She’d been confused why there were pool noodles at the retreat when there was no pool and it was wintertime, but soon found out it was to let out anger. Every emotion, all the burdens she’d been carrying for years, all the control she’d tried to have, fell at the feet of The Lord. She’d felt so distant from God trying to go through life in her own strength, and it wasn’t enough. She needed to reconnect with Him, rest, and remain.
So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God’s rest has also rested from his works as God did from his. Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience. – Hebrews 4:9-11
Newly reconnected with her heavenly Father, Yvette started addressing her inner child and allowing her to speak. It was deep work, and work that allowed her to see the inner child in the people around her and be more sensitive to what others have gone through. Each childhood trauma she worked through didn’t make her resentful of her parents, but instead, allowed her to truly see them. She recognized her people pleaser tendencies, and learned that she needed to move through life doing things for herself, and not always for other people.
The Homefront
Back at home, her presence was deeply missed, even though she had written letters every day for each child to wake up to. Correlating his cousins’ loss of their mother and his distance from his mother, Theo told Glen, “My mom’s gone and my cousins just lost their mom. For a few weeks, I know what it’s like to not have a mom.” So when Glen got Yvette’s invitation to come visit her on the retreat, Glen was hesitant to leave the kids and still angry.
The day before he was supposed to visit, Glen’s cousin was murdered. It was another devastating hit, but he felt he couldn’t let himself process it until after he got back. Seeing her that day, he could see her progress, but knew there was still so much work for them to do.
One week passed, and Yvette was finally home, but she brought a five page letter with her to give Glen. It was filled with things she was grateful for about him followed by what she needed from him. They were big asks, and he felt frustrated. But as he looked at his wife, he saw walls taken down, confidence in herself and her voice, and release of control. His “yes” had allowed her to grow, even if it had been an angry yes.
You, friend, have permission to be in process. Thank you for listening and reading the show notes!
The HMAY Team
Grab the freebie: Serve Your Spouse Well!
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