The holidays for many people is one of the most joyful times of the year, but it also can come with added stress. What activities will we do? What time is dinner again? How will we get to church on time while still being present in the moment as our children empty their stockings and treasure each new discovery they find? It’s the delicate balance of dancing between structure and full enjoyment. Twelve years married, four kids, and many lessons learned, we have learned how to rest well and be present during the holiday season to make this season everything we’re hoping for!
Tip 1: Set Boundaries
Being in a relationship means sacrificing our past routine with our family of origin to build a new family. The more we’ve grown as a married couple and as parents, the more we’ve learned that communicating as a unit with our respective families is essential. For us, this means that Christmas Day is our family day where we stay home together and don’t drive back and forth to either of our parents’ homes. Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas are then open for grandparents to visit and drop off presents, host different gatherings, and more. This allows us to be part of our family of origins’ celebrations while also protecting the new traditions we want to nurture in our family.
Another way we set boundaries is through social media. For some people, turning their phones off for the weekend is what works for them, but for us, we like to allow us the freedom to look at families enjoying their Christmas mornings together when it brings us joy. However, as soon as comparison or inadequacy sets in such as, “I didn’t get my kids enough presents,” “Their wife is making breakfast for them and mine isn’t,” or “My husband didn’t think about taking us to see lights on Christmas Eve,” we log off. Social media can bring extra joy in, but giving ourselves permission to fast from what isn’t serving us well is an important boundary to set this time of year.
Boundaries in the workplace are also incredibly important. Automated email replies can be our best friends for those 10:00pm emails on Christmas Eve. We make sure we take time to communicate well with employees/employers by letting them know far in advance exactly when we will and will not be available. While we know not everyone can fully log off, setting boundaries such as, “I won’t be available on Christmas Day from ___ to ___,” can be the difference between a very aggravated or restful holiday.
Tip 2: Give Yourself Grace & Permission to Say “No”
The holidays can be a beautiful time of giving, but they can also stretch our wallets if we’re not careful. We’ve all gotten a text asking for a $5-$10 group gift for someone we love, but when you’re in a family of six, those “small” amounts definetely add up quickly. It’s important to sit down before the holiday rolls around and decide exactly what your budget is and how much you are able/willing to spend on gifts. When that amount runs out, give yourself permission to say, “Thank you for thinking of me! I’m not able to contribute at this time.”
It’s also important to give yourself grace during the holidays. Events can be fun, but make sure to check in with yourself when it starts to feel draining. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to! It also means that you make it ten, fifteen, heck – thirty minutes late to church service, but let it be. Let yourself breathe as you juggle your partner, kids, events, friends, faith, family and so much more. Lower your expectations of what Christmas “should” look like and hold it with an open hand. Trust us – it’ll be much more rejuvenating.
Tip 3: Remind yourself to Make the Memories
Each year, we remember something that sticks out from the Christmas before: the year we argued, Uzi’s first Christmas, or the year we got the dog. No matter what, something will mark the holiday season for you and your family, so make sure it’s something you want to remember. You won’t remember the email you don’t reply to until the Thursday after Christmas. You won’t remember the missed deadline or the disappointed coworkers. You won’t remember the group gift you didn’t contribute to because of whatever reason. What you will remember is how you felt and who you spent time with. You will remember laughing a little too hard because instead of rushing out the door to make it somewhere on time, you let your little one put his shirt on backwards all by himself. You will remember taking a second to kiss your spouse as you watched your kids open presents in your PJs. You’ll remember the sweet moments that happen when you let your life breathe. Keep your eyes focused on the why this season: Jesus. It’s a gift to be able to give!
Merry Christmas, Wedding Party! We hope you enjoy this season with the ones you love most!
– Glen & Yvette Henry
The holidays for many people is one of the most joyful times of the year, but it also can come with added stress. What activities will we do? What time is dinner again? How will we get to church on time while still being present in the moment as our children empty their stockings and treasure each new discovery they find? It’s the delicate balance of dancing between structure and full enjoyment. Twelve years married, four kids, and many lessons learned, we have learned how to rest well and be present during the holiday season to make this season everything we’re hoping for!
Tip 1: Set Boundaries
Being in a relationship means sacrificing our past routine with our family of origin to build a new family. The more we’ve grown as a married couple and as parents, the more we’ve learned that communicating as a unit with our respective families is essential. For us, this means that Christmas Day is our family day where we stay home together and don’t drive back and forth to either of our parents’ homes. Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas are then open for grandparents to visit and drop off presents, host different gatherings, and more. This allows us to be part of our family of origins’ celebrations while also protecting the new traditions we want to nurture in our family.
Another way we set boundaries is through social media. For some people, turning their phones off for the weekend is what works for them, but for us, we like to allow us the freedom to look at families enjoying their Christmas mornings together when it brings us joy. However, as soon as comparison or inadequacy sets in such as, “I didn’t get my kids enough presents,” “Their wife is making breakfast for them and mine isn’t,” or “My husband didn’t think about taking us to see lights on Christmas Eve,” we log off. Social media can bring extra joy in, but giving ourselves permission to fast from what isn’t serving us well is an important boundary to set this time of year.
Boundaries in the workplace are also incredibly important. Automated email replies can be our best friends for those 10:00pm emails on Christmas Eve. We make sure we take time to communicate well with employees/employers by letting them know far in advance exactly when we will and will not be available. While we know not everyone can fully log off, setting boundaries such as, “I won’t be available on Christmas Day from ___ to ___,” can be the difference between a very aggravated or restful holiday.
Tip 2: Give Yourself Grace & Permission to Say “No”
The holidays can be a beautiful time of giving, but they can also stretch our wallets if we’re not careful. We’ve all gotten a text asking for a $5-$10 group gift for someone we love, but when you’re in a family of six, those “small” amounts definetely add up quickly. It’s important to sit down before the holiday rolls around and decide exactly what your budget is and how much you are able/willing to spend on gifts. When that amount runs out, give yourself permission to say, “Thank you for thinking of me! I’m not able to contribute at this time.”
It’s also important to give yourself grace during the holidays. Events can be fun, but make sure to check in with yourself when it starts to feel draining. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to! It also means that you make it ten, fifteen, heck – thirty minutes late to church service, but let it be. Let yourself breathe as you juggle your partner, kids, events, friends, faith, family and so much more. Lower your expectations of what Christmas “should” look like and hold it with an open hand. Trust us – it’ll be much more rejuvenating.
Tip 3: Remind yourself to Make the Memories
Each year, we remember something that sticks out from the Christmas before: the year we argued, Uzi’s first Christmas, or the year we got the dog. No matter what, something will mark the holiday season for you and your family, so make sure it’s something you want to remember. You won’t remember the email you don’t reply to until the Thursday after Christmas. You won’t remember the missed deadline or the disappointed coworkers. You won’t remember the group gift you didn’t contribute to because of whatever reason. What you will remember is how you felt and who you spent time with. You will remember laughing a little too hard because instead of rushing out the door to make it somewhere on time, you let your little one put his shirt on backwards all by himself. You will remember taking a second to kiss your spouse as you watched your kids open presents in your PJs. You’ll remember the sweet moments that happen when you let your life breathe. Keep your eyes focused on the why this season: Jesus. It’s a gift to be able to give!
Merry Christmas, Wedding Party! We hope you enjoy this season with the ones you love most!
– Glen & Yvette Henry
Hello,.my name is Carlton Williams
It is such a joy to read your story and listen to your podcast as I’m in the process of continuing my own in the near future. A big shot out to Anthony O’ Neal for having you guys on his show, it’s because of it I have another black team to follow in focusing on family which is my go to goal. Looking forward to more of your story and content!