Trevor Noah’s Intimacy video referenced an article from the Washington Post, talking about how men are having less sex than decades past and one man reviewing Bang Hookup Dating – an app described as “The Place where online casual dating is Safe & Easy, and you can feel Free & Relaxed to “Talk to Strangers”, “Chat”, “Date” and “Hookup”! The man asked his brother in law about it, who gave him the advice to try a long term relationship. Trevor pointed out a cultural movement that we should have a “right to sex,” but he believes the issue lies within men’s lack of intimacy and not lack of sex. This week, Glen & Yvette tackled that very issue: Male Intimacy.
The One Thing We Truly Have to Work For: Sex
In a culture that revolves around instant gratification and convenience, Glen notes that sex is the one thing we have to truly work for. Creating a safe space for that kind of intimacy takes work, whether the intent is a relationship or casual. But in his opinion, it’s better to create true intimacy than try for meaningless sex. Compared to the DARE program she had growing up, Yvette adds that STD’s are going around so often that education on STDs is the new DARE because it’s necessary to teach young kids that monogamous relationships are healthier due to less risk of infections.
But culturally, why are we trying to steer single men away from intimacy?
Emotional Attunement
As she continues to seek out new friendships, Yvette’s therapist encouraged her endeavor as it keeps her from being emotionally dependent on Glen. Friendships allow for a different type of understanding – one that our spouses cannot always have. Emotional Attunement, the state of recognizing, understanding and engaging with someone’s emotional state, is the kind of love that allows close friends who know us well to see when something is wrong, even when we mask it with smiles on our faces. That kind of intimacy allows us to lay our head on their lap and feel all our emotions and the same intimacy that men culturally tend to lack.
Glen realized his lack of intimacy when he became a father. Seeing their need for hugs and physical affection made it clear to him that he lacked this as a child. Now gathering with friends once a week, Glen has made space for that kind of platonic intimacy and understanding. However, Yvette challenged his words when Glen stated that he and his friends “hug longer than [they] should.” Why “should?” Glen identifies that the “should” doesn’t stem from too much intimacy between friends, but instead, from a space where they all should have had intimacy their whole lives.
In the same way Uriah rests his head on her lap and Uzi cuddles his loved ones, Yvette points out that it’s important to nurture that kind of physical affection as a child so that it becomes their normal as adults.
Is there a right to sex?
As Trevor pointed out, it’s not always about sex, it’s about intimacy. It’s about safety and true vulnerability with the people around you. This can come in many forms such as group workouts or foot rubs, but having that kind of connection with others is vital to the human experience and our emotional well being.
Thanks for tuning in, Wedding Party! We will see you next week!
The HMAY Team
Grab the freebie: Serve Your Spouse Well!
Trevor Noah’s Intimacy video referenced an article from the Washington Post, talking about how men are having less sex than decades past and one man reviewing Bang Hookup Dating – an app described as “The Place where online casual dating is Safe & Easy, and you can feel Free & Relaxed to “Talk to Strangers”, “Chat”, “Date” and “Hookup”! The man asked his brother in law about it, who gave him the advice to try a long term relationship. Trevor pointed out a cultural movement that we should have a “right to sex,” but he believes the issue lies within men’s lack of intimacy and not lack of sex. This week, Glen & Yvette tackled that very issue: Male Intimacy.
The One Thing We Truly Have to Work For: Sex
In a culture that revolves around instant gratification and convenience, Glen notes that sex is the one thing we have to truly work for. Creating a safe space for that kind of intimacy takes work, whether the intent is a relationship or casual. But in his opinion, it’s better to create true intimacy than try for meaningless sex. Compared to the DARE program she had growing up, Yvette adds that STD’s are going around so often that education on STDs is the new DARE because it’s necessary to teach young kids that monogamous relationships are healthier due to less risk of infections.
But culturally, why are we trying to steer single men away from intimacy?
Emotional Attunement
As she continues to seek out new friendships, Yvette’s therapist encouraged her endeavor as it keeps her from being emotionally dependent on Glen. Friendships allow for a different type of understanding – one that our spouses cannot always have. Emotional Attunement, the state of recognizing, understanding and engaging with someone’s emotional state, is the kind of love that allows close friends who know us well to see when something is wrong, even when we mask it with smiles on our faces. That kind of intimacy allows us to lay our head on their lap and feel all our emotions and the same intimacy that men culturally tend to lack.
Glen realized his lack of intimacy when he became a father. Seeing their need for hugs and physical affection made it clear to him that he lacked this as a child. Now gathering with friends once a week, Glen has made space for that kind of platonic intimacy and understanding. However, Yvette challenged his words when Glen stated that he and his friends “hug longer than [they] should.” Why “should?” Glen identifies that the “should” doesn’t stem from too much intimacy between friends, but instead, from a space where they all should have had intimacy their whole lives.
In the same way Uriah rests his head on her lap and Uzi cuddles his loved ones, Yvette points out that it’s important to nurture that kind of physical affection as a child so that it becomes their normal as adults.
Is there a right to sex?
As Trevor pointed out, it’s not always about sex, it’s about intimacy. It’s about safety and true vulnerability with the people around you. This can come in many forms such as group workouts or foot rubs, but having that kind of connection with others is vital to the human experience and our emotional well being.
Thanks for tuning in, Wedding Party! We will see you next week!
The HMAY Team
Grab the freebie: Serve Your Spouse Well!
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