The Legacy
Lately on social media, Glen has been noticing a rise in divisiveness: Black Men vs. Black Women. Each group blames the other for issues in their lives, and it deeply saddens him. It brings him back to why they do the work they do on the podcast. HMAY’s why is to show what real marriage and parenting life is like so that healthy relationships are not a mystery to others. That same why went in the Premarital Advantage E-Course so that couples can ensure they are having the important conversations before marriage to be better prepared.
When Glen asked for Yvette’s hand in marriage, her mom expressed that she believed their relationship would bless people. At the time, he had no idea what that meant, but now he sees the legacy that they lead in their relationship. Beyond his job, his children soak in everything they do like sponges and will wring out what they want and don’t want for their futures. Anaya, for example, said that when she grows up, she wants to be married. Theo wants a family. And while Uriah doesn’t totally understand it yet, he is thoughtful about how much work kids are. The chocolate babies pick up it all.
Loving Well
This year for Valentine’s Day, Yvette challenged herself to leave heart-shaped notes on the kids’ doors each morning leading up to the holiday. When she got sick and missed a morning, Theo noticed and asked where his note was. She realized then that her words of affirmation are one of the major ways she loves her children well, and writing them down allows them to look back at each encouragement. At the same time, his comment made her wonder what she is really creating in them. The kids never left her a note, and anticipating that beforehand, Yvette made her own notes. She hopes that how she shows love to each child and how she loves herself will shape them. There is something beautiful about doing things like the notes without getting anything in return. It’s true unconditional love. And it’s also good for Theo to see that his parents have limits, like when they are sick.
But as Glen pointed out, many times our love is conditional, even when we do it subconsciously. We do things for others and state that it was, “just because I love you,” but we truly hope they will do something else for us later or do the same thing back. It would be easier if we all communicated exactly what our expectations are, giving us all the ability to “read the fine print” before accepting anything.
Yvette has a hard time accepting girlfriends coming over to clean or watch the kids so she can rest because of this potential subconscious “fine print.” She worries that these acts of service may be an unexpressed expectation for her to do the same, and she simply doesn’t have the capacity to do that. She wishes she could help like that, but as Glen reminds her, sometimes she is the one needing extra hands in this season. But when she can, he also tells her to communicate with him so he can help make it happen.
Deep Work
The team at HMAY and Beleaf in Fatherhood are currently reading through Deep Work by Cal Newport and discussing what it means to have focused work in a distracted world. But one of the main points has been that not only do we need deep work in our lives, but our life’s work itself is deep. It matters and has purpose. In this season, the work they do in creating a legacy for their children is their deep work and is deep itself. It’s meaningful and beautiful. And keeping each other focused on that mission is what’s important!
Thank you for listening and reading the show notes for this week’s episode!
The HMAY Team
The Legacy
Lately on social media, Glen has been noticing a rise in divisiveness: Black Men vs. Black Women. Each group blames the other for issues in their lives, and it deeply saddens him. It brings him back to why they do the work they do on the podcast. HMAY’s why is to show what real marriage and parenting life is like so that healthy relationships are not a mystery to others. That same why went in the Premarital Advantage E-Course so that couples can ensure they are having the important conversations before marriage to be better prepared.
When Glen asked for Yvette’s hand in marriage, her mom expressed that she believed their relationship would bless people. At the time, he had no idea what that meant, but now he sees the legacy that they lead in their relationship. Beyond his job, his children soak in everything they do like sponges and will wring out what they want and don’t want for their futures. Anaya, for example, said that when she grows up, she wants to be married. Theo wants a family. And while Uriah doesn’t totally understand it yet, he is thoughtful about how much work kids are. The chocolate babies pick up it all.
Loving Well
This year for Valentine’s Day, Yvette challenged herself to leave heart-shaped notes on the kids’ doors each morning leading up to the holiday. When she got sick and missed a morning, Theo noticed and asked where his note was. She realized then that her words of affirmation are one of the major ways she loves her children well, and writing them down allows them to look back at each encouragement. At the same time, his comment made her wonder what she is really creating in them. The kids never left her a note, and anticipating that beforehand, Yvette made her own notes. She hopes that how she shows love to each child and how she loves herself will shape them. There is something beautiful about doing things like the notes without getting anything in return. It’s true unconditional love. And it’s also good for Theo to see that his parents have limits, like when they are sick.
But as Glen pointed out, many times our love is conditional, even when we do it subconsciously. We do things for others and state that it was, “just because I love you,” but we truly hope they will do something else for us later or do the same thing back. It would be easier if we all communicated exactly what our expectations are, giving us all the ability to “read the fine print” before accepting anything.
Yvette has a hard time accepting girlfriends coming over to clean or watch the kids so she can rest because of this potential subconscious “fine print.” She worries that these acts of service may be an unexpressed expectation for her to do the same, and she simply doesn’t have the capacity to do that. She wishes she could help like that, but as Glen reminds her, sometimes she is the one needing extra hands in this season. But when she can, he also tells her to communicate with him so he can help make it happen.
Deep Work
The team at HMAY and Beleaf in Fatherhood are currently reading through Deep Work by Cal Newport and discussing what it means to have focused work in a distracted world. But one of the main points has been that not only do we need deep work in our lives, but our life’s work itself is deep. It matters and has purpose. In this season, the work they do in creating a legacy for their children is their deep work and is deep itself. It’s meaningful and beautiful. And keeping each other focused on that mission is what’s important!
Thank you for listening and reading the show notes for this week’s episode!
The HMAY Team
COMMENTS